Here goes -
At three years old I drank a bottle of brut from my mum and dads dressing table, they took me to hospital and found I'd happily drunk all of it bar a few drops that I'd dribbled on to myself.
At five years old I was sat under a table in a pub whilst my dad and his mates watched the footy, I stole a few pints and drank them, ended up in hospital again.
At nine years old I went to an aunts house for new year and stole a load of beer with my cousin, we both drank so much we couldn't move. No one noticed because they were downstairs drunk. They found us both still unconscious the next morning surrounded by multiple piles of vomit.
Thirteen years old me and a mate got his sister to buy us three litres of scrumpy jack and 24 cans of stella each. We drank pretty much all of it at a cricket club do. People were trying to steal what beer we had left so we crawled under a cover, they attempted to roll it off us and my leg stopped it. I awoke the next day in my own bed to be told my friend had been found in someone's garden with his pants round his ankles, he'd fallen over their wall whilst pissing on it and passed out. I made it to his mums where I passed out as she opened the front door. My mum and dad had been holding a rather posh party for some business clients and had to abandon it to pick me up. My right leg was black with bruising for weeks after.
My sixteenth birthday saw me and a load of friends go to my local, a very nice pub three doors from my house. We all had a few bevies and a nice meal, then my friend gave me my last pint, a pint that he'd sneakily slipped a shot of baileys into, it bounced off my full stomach and made me spray vomit all over their restaurant, lounge and toilets as I ran for the porcelain. My dad paid for the clean up and the meal.
I'll put my uni ones up at some point, there's a few.
